Chapter Text
October 31, Present Day
It was perplexing to love someone who drove you up the f*cking wall most of the time.
Shikamaru knew Ino was still mad at him for his costume choice. When she saw him dressed in his usual clothes carrying a bag of chips claiming he was Chouji, she flipped out at him—tried to get him to change. Words were exchanged. She was currently giving him the cold shoulder, and he was acting like he didn’t care. Honestly, he didn’t care that she was mad at him. He cared why she was mad at him—such a stupid, nosey, petty reason.
He thought her costume was vein, revealing, and obnoxious, but he didn’t bother her about it. Her polka dot dress was an aggressive shade of pink, her heels were transparent, sparkly plastic, and everything was skin-tight.
He hated how girls chose costumes just so they could dress more provocatively than they normally would. He would admit that Ino looked gorgeous (she always did). Her long blond hair spilled down her shoulders in waves, and she looked as perfect as the inspiration of her costume. But that was part of what was so annoying… why did she have to work so hard to prove herself?
She’d tried to explain to him that Margot Robbie’s depiction of Barbie was a feminist icon, but he knew she just wanted to show off her body and get attention which made Shikamaru a smidge tense. Mainly because it was working.
“You look hot as hell, Ino,” Kiba brushed up next to her with a predatory grin on his face.
Shikamaru was thrilled Chouji was in such a happy relationship, but now he wasn’t just adding Sasha to his friend group. With Sasha came her friends. He was now regularly hanging out with Tenten and Hinata, which meant Hinata’s friends Kiba and Shino were never far behind. Shikamaru didn’t have anything against them—except Kiba. He was still slightly bitter about that night he hooked up with Ino. He was glad it didn’t go farther than it did, which was why he was a little uncomfortable with their current proximity.
He watched Ino’s expression shift to one of confusion, “Thanks. Um… what are you?”
Kiba grinned and gestured to his ridiculous costume, “I’m Cocaine Bear!” He stated as if it were self-evident.
“Who?” Ino scrunched up her nose, inspecting him closely.
Kiba’s face perked up, and he started explaining his costume with his hands gesturing wildly. “You know! That bear! It ate like a sh*t ton of cocaine. Like 1000 lbs and went crazy. There’s a movie.”
Shikamaru rolled his eyes from where he stood a few feet away, “I don’t think it was 1000 lbs,” he muttered.
Kiba and Ino both turned to face him, looking annoyed.
“Who are you supposed to be?” Kiba asked with no shortage of judgment.
“Don’t even get me started!” Ino shrieked.
The trip to and from Lake Kiri was bizarrely exhausting, and Sasuke didn’t want to be at this party anymore. It was only ten, and he already wanted out—he wanted to be alone. Instead, he sat in Karin’s humongous backyard by a modern rectangular gas fire pit and a similarly contemporary pool next to a bunch of Sakura and Naruto’s friends.
Everyone was f*cked up. People were either drunk, high, or both. Sasuke himself had stayed relatively sober. To be honest, he wasn’t feeling great. He had this pit in his stomach that wouldn’t go away no matter how many deep breaths he forced himself to take. Whatever was going on with his brother was screwing with his head, and he felt like he kept forgetting to breathe.
Not knowing if his brother was the villain or an innocent victim filled him with guilt and sadness. He wanted his brother to be innocent. He was desperate for it, but it didn’t mean it would be a happy outcome. If his brother hadn’t been involved in the fire, it meant that he’d spent his last bit of life being hated by everyone, including his own brother. Reading notes with his handwriting and humor made it even more difficult for Sasuke to accept his brother was gone. If he was innocent, why would he have run away? Where had he gone?
Sasuke had tried smoking to chill out and maybe find that numb and apathetic feeling he’d been hoping to get back. Unfortunately, the weed made him feel more paranoid than calm, and he wanted to crawl out of his skin.
It didn’t help that everyone around the fire pit was a different level of disaster. Chouji was sitting next to his girlfriend, and together they had just devoured their 8th bag of chips like codependent wolverines. Nearby some cheerleader was cackling like a swamp monster at something Ino had said, and Sasuke knew for a fact that nothing Ino said was funny. Particularly tonight when she was trying to force a drinking game on a bunch of people who were already wasted. They’d been playing King's Cup for 30 minutes, and Sasuke was positive they weren’t playing correctly. Somehow the last few rounds had evolved into truth or dare, which Sasuke simply couldn't tolerate.
Some guy named Rock Lee dressed up like Green Lantern, kept coming up to Sakura and speaking in Green Lantern quotes. At the beginning of the night, Sakura awkwardly chuckled, trying to be nice. At this point in the night, she was higher than the f*cking stratosphere after her first blunt ever, laughing at his Hal Gordon impression.
The worst part was that every ten minutes, she stopped laughing and started lamenting that she didn’t think the weed was doing anything.
Sasuke knew he should take advantage of her insobriety to ask her for her birthday. She’d probably ask less questions and be easier to distract. He also needed her to be his alibi for the day. Instead of saying anything to her, though, Sasuke just crossed his arms and clenched his jaw, leaning back in his seat. He didn’t feel like dealing with Sakura. He wanted out of this goddamn slice of high school hell.
“Truth or dare Sakura!” Ino screeched, trying to be heard over the noise of her friends. Sakura groaned, covering her eyes with her hand, and flopped onto Naruto’s shoulder beside her.
“Neither,” She whined.
“Fine, then drink,” Ino demanded, lifting her chin bossily.
“Ughhh, dare then.” Sakura lifted her head from Naruto’s shoulder and scowled at her blonde friend as she took a handful of chips.
“Go jump in the pool,” Ino said wickedly.
“It’s like 40 degrees,” Sakura said, busy chewing, “I’m not jumping in the pool Ino.”
“Then you have to drink, Forehead,” Ino rolled her eyes back. She paused to watch Sakura to make sure she was actually taking a sip before telling Sakura it was her turn to ask someone.
Sakura inhaled, annoyed with her friend’s tyrannical take on drinking games, and took a sip of her drink, this time without being directed. She turned to the boy next to her, tilting her head up to him.
“Go jump in the pool, Naruto,” she arched a single pink brow in challenge, holding back a giggle.
“You didn’t even say truth or dare!” He whined, shaking his head.
“You would have said dare,” Sakura argued, and Sasuke silently agreed. He would have. Naruto looked back at her, pouting until mischief washed over his face. In a matter of seconds, Naruto put one arm under her knees and another arm under her back and lifted her despite her shrill protests. Sasuke watched as his hair-brained friend jump into the pool, fully clothed, taking a shrieking Sakura with him.
Everyone who had been previously distracted was now staring at the rocking waves of the pool, where a pink head broke through the surface. Sakura’s hands popped out of the water right after her head, and she quickly moved her hair from her face to reveal her seething expression.
Naruto’s blonde hair splashed through the water, and he flipped his head, already smirking, to shake off extra water. He caught Sakura’s eye and gave her a devious grin as she growled. Sakura pushed the water in front of her aggressively, trying to hit Naruto with it, but he didn’t seem to care.
“What the hell, you jerk? It’s s-so cold.” She shivered. Sakura made her way over to Naruto, grasped his shoulders, and pushed him forcefully under the surface, causing him to inhale the icy, saltwater pool water accidentally. Naruto sputtered as Sakura walked past him through the water, arms around herself.
“Karin, do you have towels?” Sasuke heard Sasha asking. Ino, Sasha, and some of the cheerleaders were busy gasping and giggling, so Sasuke stood from his chair and glared at a sheepish Naruto. “You f*cking idiot, you’re going to give her hypothermia,”
Sasuke walked to the edge of the pool to help Sakura. She had pulled herself over the edge onto her stomach, but her clothes were getting caught on the rocky edge of the pool. He knelt and helped her climb out of the glacial water, while Ino and the other girls hovered over her like worried mothers, wrapping her shaking body in two towels.
When Naruto tried to climb out of the pool with an infuriating smirk, Sasuke used an open palm over his face, pushing him back into the water. “f*cking dumbass,” he sighed as Naruto gasped.
At almost midnight, Ino was too drunk, and Shikamaru was too high to continue bickering.
Whenever Ino got drunk, she became excessively friendly. Her typical sass was replaced with sugar-coated drunk-girl compliments and sentimentality.
Shikamaru knew it was because of her drunken personality change that she stopped giving him the cold shoulder for his terrible costume and started talking to him like he was her favorite person in the world.
“Can you believe our little Chouji has a girlfriend?” She crowed, hiccuping. They were standing 20 feet away from the sickeningly sweet couple. They had coordinated costumes. Chouji was a cop, and Sasha was a donut. It was disgusting, really. Shikamaru only shook his head in response, but this didn’t stop Ino from rambling.
“They’re, like, so freaking cute. I honestly can’t even handle it. Don’t you just feel like you’re dying?” she squealed.
“Dying?” Shikamaru questioned, raising a brow at the blonde’s dramatic antics.
“Yes, I’m literally dead. My heart can’t handle this much adorableness,” her voice was so high-pitched that Shikamaru thought he felt his ears shudder in protest. “Aaaaand,” she continued, “Sasha said she saw Tenten and Neji Hyuuga walk off together earlier. Neji Hyuuga! Can you believe it??”
He wouldn’t play into Ino’s gossipy theatrics, but quite frankly, it was a little hard to believe. He had difficulty envisioning his stern, scowling friend with a girl.
“Don’t you just want that??” Ino gushed, staring longingly at the couple with nauseatingly coordinated costumes.
Shikamaru shrugged, “seems like kind of a nuisance,” he partially lied. It was somewhat true. Shikamaru did think it looked like more work than he was cut out for. He would never go to any event in a couple's costume. Ever. Still, even though he thought having a girlfriend looked troublesome, something tugged on his heart.
Did he want to be the Ken to Ino’s Barbie? f*ck no. He did want just about everything else with her, though. Everything Chouji had with Sasha. More.
As Ino had gotten older, she developed a tendency to hide part of herself. She used to be an open book. Now she pretended to be an open book. She talked about personal stuff like who she liked, the raunchy sh*t she read in Cosmo that she wanted to try, and even bits and pieces of her parent's divorce. She seemed to overshare. But Shikamaru had known her for a long time, and to him, it had become apparent that, at some point, she had hidden a part of herself away. A part of herself he—for some unknown reason— was desperate to get back. He wanted to know every tantalizing, ridiculous, obnoxious, ostentatious, enigmatic part of her.
“No, it’s not,” she said, turning toward him. “You just need to find the right girl, and you’ll be just like Chouji.” She poked him on the shoulder with inebriated flair. Shikamaru smiled sadly at the irony. The right girl was right in front of him. Driving him crazy nine times out of ten.
“And you totally will. You’re, like, such a catch. Like, a total f*cking babe,” she grinned. It was the kind of comment that was so open and carefree it actually made him upset. Only someone completely uninterested would have the confidence to say that to his face. She viewed him in such a platonic way she had no reservations about complimenting him like that.
“Oh my god, will you stop frowning like that and say something? Like— ‘thanks, you’re such a good friend Ino’ or ‘You’re a babe too, Ino.’ She laughed at her own awful impression of him.
It wasn’t until Ino walked away to talk to Sakura that Shikamaru realized it might have been an opportune time to say something genuine. As Temari had said at homecoming, he needed to make her think of him differently. He needed to say something that pushed the boundaries of their relationship but wouldn’t push too far.
He grabbed another beer while he mulled over his options. He could say something, or he could do something. It was hard to say which direction was wiser. If he wanted to come across as subtle, though, he needed to act naturally. If he planned too much, any actions or words would appear awkward and out of place. With another sip of his beer to embolden him, Shikamaru moved to find where Ino had gone.
Sasuke had been seconds from falling asleep on the couch, sitting up, head propped on his hand, in the middle of a crowded room when he felt the weight of someone shifting the couch, sitting down next to him. He glanced next to him and was startled to see Sakura staring at him with a drunken smile on her face.
“Ssaucy Sasukeeee,” she singsonged. Dear God, she was wasted. “Mmmm, I like that. Ithinkima start calling you that,” she giggled, leaning into his ear.
His sacred personal space.
He sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily. This night was just dragging on and on, and he needed to convince Naruto to leave.
“You should go to bed,” he said coldly, trying to lean away from her slightly. In her inebriated state, she paid no attention to his fairly overt attempts to avoid her. Instead, she leaned closer, so he could smell the alcohol on her breath.
“You’re so pretty, Saucy Sasuke,” she moaned, poking him in what was supposed to be a playful way, but it actually kind of hurt.
He jerked away, irritated with her whiny voice, her alcohol breath, and the way she was clutching his arm. “Could you not?” He snapped harshly.
Sakura pouted, sticking out her lower lip, but didn’t move away from him. “Don be madatmeeeee,” she rested her head on his shoulder, and more quietly, she murmured, “I like you so muchhhh,” and then a beat later, “I love you.”
Sasuke rubbed between his eyebrows, willing himself to teleport to his room. This was why he tried to stay an arm's length away from Sakura. She was reminiscent of her elementary school self—intolerable, clingy, and delusional. Any time he was too nice to her, she became all affection and awful. He shouldn't have helped her out of the pool.
Sure, they often had fun times together, but Sasuke was always wary about spending time together because of this. She’d never drunkenly declared her feelings for him before, but her childhood declarations were similarly ludicrous.
“No, you don’t.” He rolled his eyes, trying to lean away from her. His attempts were useless. Her head was dead weight on his shoulder, and she was nuzzling him.
“Mmhmm,” she answered back, her eyes now closed.
Perhaps what drove Sasuke the craziest was that he couldn’t understand why she was so fixated on him. He wasn’t very nice to her. They didn’t have much in common. It left him to reason that she just liked how he looked, and only an immature moron confused physical admiration for love. Sasuke physically admired plenty of girls, including Sakura. But he certainly didn’t love her.
She annoyed him so easily. She made proclamations so confidently as if she knew anything at all when truly she knew nothing.
Her life had been perfect. She grew up with loving, emotionally intelligent, well-educated parents who surrounded her with opportunities and sheltered her from the oppressive realities of life. The hardest thing she had ever experienced was homework.
Sasuke didn’t expect everyone to know loss like he did, but he found her dramatic declarations of love unfounded. How could you know love if it had never been ripped away? Sasuke surely hadn’t. Before he lost his family, he hadn’t realized what love was. He didn’t know that it was that unquestioning sense of security. The annoyance he felt when his mother interrupted his game to tell him to get ready for bed. The fierce jealousy and admiration he felt for his older brother. He even found love in his father's reproachful gaze.
He knew there was love in those moments because they were the ones he grieved. The loss of them ripped a hole through his heart. These insignificant moments that he thought meant nothing were so full of nostalgia and meaning that sometimes he couldn’t breathe when he remembered them.
Sakura was immature. She was juvenile. She thought love came on white horses and showered its beholder with red roses.
Sasuke knew better. Love was the gut-wrenching pain of grief. It made him imagine the last moments of his family’s lives. It made him so f*cking sad he’d never see them again; he didn’t know if there was room in his body for all the pain.
The pain would always be with him, but there had been nothing worse than the initial weeks of grief. After going through it twice, he knew he could never do it again. Love wasn’t worth it.
She didn’t know the privilege of offering her heart up so freely without fear of the consequences.
He shrugged his shoulders to force her awake as she dozed off. She startled and blinked, looking at him in a daze.
“When’s your birthday, Sakura?” He asked with no preamble.
“Hmm?” She asked, moving her hair out of her face sleepily.
“Your birthday.” He repeated impatiently.
“March 28th,” she responded mindlessly, stretching.
Sasuke nodded and didn’t shrug her off again when he felt her head return to his shoulder. He was glad her sleepiness was preventing follow-up questions. Instead, he decided he’d use her drunkenness as an excuse to get Naruto to go back to campus.
Shikamaru stood still for a moment, his chest contracting tightly. It was one thing to hear about her hooking up with other guys. It was another to see it. He had finally found Ino after a half-hour search, but now he clumsily backed away and turned the corner so he wouldn't have to see Ino’s lips pressed against some random upperclassmen’s.
He rubbed a hand over his face trying to collect himself, but her image was burned in his mind. That asshole’s hands running through her soft, silky hair. His stupid perfect jock body pressed up against hers.
Shikamaru wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking. For someone with a genius IQ, he sure had some f*cked up logic. How had he ever convinced himself pushing the boundaries with Ino was a possibility? She was so f*cking not interested in him. Ino had options. Ino could be with anyone she wanted.
When Ino had the entire high school available to her, why would she possibly choose him?
Shikamaru had decent self-esteem. He knew he wasn’t ugly. He was attractive enough. Athletic enough. Charismatic enough. He was a decent person. There was nothing wrong with him.
But compared to Ino?
Sometimes Shikamaru pretended he didn’t know why he loved her. He thought about how spoiled she was, how she pretended to be dumber than she actually was, how she took selfies and was always on her phone. He thought about how manipulative she could be. How bossy—petulant, naive, and how much of a f*cking slu*t she was for kissing that guy.
sh*t. He didn’t believe that. But he wanted to desperately because looking at all the reasons he loved her made his heart break.
He walked back to the kitchen and grabbed another beer before stepping outside. He wanted the alcohol to get rid of the feeling in his chest. He wanted to forget why he needed her. Her laugh, her smell, her smile. The way she made him feel comfortable and happy—and lately a little lightheaded.
He had to be done with this.
Shikamaru was nothing if not logical, and he knew he needed to stop fantasizing. She was his friend, and that was it. They were friends.
November 1st, Present Day
It wasn’t until Naruto left their dorm room for breakfast Sunday morning that Sasuke could try Sakura’s birthday as the combination for the locked case he’d brought home from Lake Kiri.
The small amount he’d smoked the night before had allowed him to fall asleep quickly, but he hadn’t been able to stay asleep. He’d woken up several times throughout the night, kicking off his sheets, never fully becoming comfortable. When morning had finally rolled around, Sasuke was exhausted but overwhelmed with anticipation.
Dear Little Brother,
I apologize if you feel insulted by the inane clues I’ve taunted you with. As much as I would like to tell you everything at once, I have taken steps to slow you down to help ensure no one else finds this information first. Our parents and I are dead because of the information we possessed, so I encourage you to be cautious with each word I impart.
The first fact you must know is that I did not murder anyone at the KPD that day. Our mother, our father, our uncles, my best friends, and my girlfriend were in that building. Aside from you, everyone I loved died that day.
For now, I have no proof that I am innocent. That said, I hope years of memories together will remind you that I could never do something so wretched. I hope the evidence I leave behind helps you find the person who killed our family. I have also left my only item of much financial value to you in hopes that it will show you where my heart was in the days leading up to the fire.
Second, you must know that the KPD arson case is related to the Trust Fund Killer Case, and that I believe someone at the Konoha Police Department was involved in both. You must not give any of the information I provide to law enforcement because at least one person, possibly more, is untrustworthy.
Now that I am presumably gone, only two officers who initially investigated the Trust Fund Killer case are still alive: Danzo Shimura and Kakashi Hatake.
I have reason to believe these men may be profoundly dangerous, which is why you cannot confide in the KPD or your appointed guardian.
You will come to learn my reasons for believing this in time.
For now, to understand anything, you must become familiar with the Trust Fund Killer Case. Do not be foolish with this information.
Your doting big brother,
I
After reading the letter, Sasuke looked at the other contents of the case. There was another sheet of paper with yet another key taped to it. Underneath it had what looked like more of Itachi's clues—many of them. He placed the note to the side and picked up the last object that caught his attention. A small red velvet bag rested at the bottom of the case. Sasuke opened up the drawstrings and allowed the contents of the bag to fall into his palm.
Sasuke gasped when he realized what it was, and his brother's words flashed in his mind.
I have also left my only item of much financial value to you in hopes that it will show you where my heart was in the days leading up to the fire.
A delicate silver band with a small diamond sparkled under his gaze, and Sasuke felt his heart break for his brother at the implications.
An engagement ring. Itachi had been about to propose.
