Chapter Text
A year later,
_____________________________________
"Seriously," Zeref could smell the alcohol radiating from my body.
"Don't start with this sh*t," I said before taking another drink from the bottle. I really preferred to be alone right now and he knew that but refused to listen to me.
"Would you stop moping?" He said, crossing his arms. "It's getting a little pathetic."
"Tsk," as if I didn't know. I just couldn't help but feel angry especially today.
"You have a match in," he checked his watch. "Six hours."
I rolled my eyes, taking another drink. "I know that," I spat. "Now leave me alone."
There was a small silence between us and I had hoped he got the message, "when is this going to end?" He picked up an empty bottle on the floor and turned it over in his hands. "Do you need AA?" I couldn't lie and say that he didn't sound concerned for a moment.
I scoffed, "please. You wouldn't dare, you have too much ridin' on me."
He scowled at me, "at least will you try and talk to me, you've closed yourself off from everyone."
Another drink, "Isn't this what you wanted Z?" I said bitterly. "For nothing or no one to get in between me and fighting."
"I just want you back to normal, back to my carefree baby brother." He bit back, his eyes didn't seem so hallow anymore.
"Yeah, well we can't all have what we want. Now can we?" I said, walking toward my bathroom and closing the door behind me.
Zeref cursed loudly, "fine but be ready an hour! I want to get there early." I heard my bedroom door slam and he was gone, leaving me to wallow in my darkness.
I turned on the tap and splashed some cool water on my face to help wake me up from my hangover. I started with two bottles and went back for one more, it's the obvious choice when you feel like your life has gone to sh*t.
It's been a whole year since she took off but I remember it like it was yesterday.
_____________________________________
[Flashback]
When I woke up the next morning, my bed was empty, there was no trace of Lucy anywhere except for her panties and I'd be keeping those.
I glanced at the clock: 8:35 a.m.
"sh*t," I scratched at the back of my head. She must've gone home but she usually wakes me, a dreadful feeling consumed my stomach but chalked it up to our conversation from yesterday.
What was that anyway? Lucy really is a weirdo.
"You up?" Zeref's voiced called out from behind my bedroom door with knock.
"Yeah," I flung my sheets back and sat up as my brother walked in with protein shake in hand.
"Here, breakfast." He placed the glass on my dresser and eyed me cautiously as if he was trying to feel me out when he noticed the wall. "What the hell? Is that a hole in your wall?"
"There was a spider last night." I said, before getting up and getting dressed.
He shook his head and sighed pinching the bridge of his nose, "you have a session with Gray in an hour.”
"I know," I said and he seemed a little relieved maybe because I actually remembered this time. "But first I need to see Lucy."
I didn't miss the way his stance tensed and his eyes narrowed, "you can't miss this session. You have a practice meet coming up soon." He stressed, "this meet is what's going to put you on the map."
"Just give me half an hour," I argued, heading to my bathroom. "I'll make it to the gym."
"How many times do we have to have this discussion?" Zeref protested.
"You're the one that keeps bringing this discussion up." I didn't have time for Zeref's usual bullsh*t. I had to get across town and quick, I had this sense of urgency creepin' up on me.
"Yeah because you're not listening to me," I let Zeref talk as I finished up brushing my teeth. "You do know who her father is? You can't be this stupid."
"It's too early for this sh*t," I chose to ignore his comments and tried to move past him but he blocked my way.
"It's her fault we have problems with Jude," he added on. "If she hadn't gotten involved with you..."
"Shut up," I had heard this all before, "and move." I gave him a cold stare before he huffed and moved out of the way.
"She's not worth it." He just had to say before I was out the door.
"She's worth it to me," I said with a final glance before walking out the door.
I hate when Zeref turns on me, he's the closest person to me and when we disagree it bothers the hell out of me.
Our relationship has been strained ever since I met Lucy, at first he humored me, thinking I'd get her out of my system but after spending time with her, I was in deep.
His small jokes turned into petty arguments about how I was wasting time and wasn't committed to our goal.
I was committed, there was nothing more that I wanted, to be the best in Fiore and to have Lucy by my side when I accomplished it.
Why couldn't I have both? How come I have to choose?
There was something that Zeref wasn't telling me and I haven't figured it out yet but I know there's a secret somewhere.
I'll admit Lucy may be a small distraction in my normal routine but I couldn't help it. When I met Lucy it was like she was made for me, the way she understood me better than I did myself at times.
I f*cked up and fell in love with her.
A big mistake according to my brother but I couldn't care less about what anyone says including him and especially her father, Jude.
He'd never approve of me for a number of different reasons but I pursued her still. Even if Jude hates my guts more than anything in the world, he's not going to stop me.
As long as Lucy will have me, I'm not going anywhere. I'm in it for the long run.
I've never been more sure of anything besides fighting and I do that pretty damn well so I knew she's the one for me. However, she's on the fence with the odds against us and the consequences we could face.
Consequences be damned I wanted more with her, I just had to get her to see it.
I snuck through the side gate of her house, luckily her bedroom was on the first floor, "Lucy." I tried peeked through the window but her curtains had been closed. I tapped lightly on the glass when I felt someone's presence behind me and when I turned it was Jude.
"She's gone," he stood there, dressed in his fancy business suit and tie.
"Gone?" I don't think I heard him right. "What're you talking about?"
His hands went into his slack pockets, "all I know is she was gone before I got home this morning."
My heart felt weak, "you're lying. Lucy wouldn't leave without telling me."
Jude shrugged carelessly, "maybe you're not as important as you thought."
That felt like a punch to the gut, I glared back at him, "she's your daughter. You're not worried?"
"She made her decision," he turned on his heel. "Now get the hell out of my yard."
There was a moment that I thought maybe Jude was simply being an asshole but after I replayed our conversation last night I realized maybe the feeling I've had all morning long was right.
I couldn't believe this, I had so many questions and no answers. How was I supposed to find her? Where would she go?
I decided to try the Magnolia Station, if Lucy did leave she'd need a ride. I spent the next hour asking everyone around the station if they'd seen her and had no luck.
I decided to watch her house from across the street but still there was no sign of her. The house sat quietly on the block, no one came or went.
After the second patrol car strolled by I called it quits, if I got arrested again I'd have to deal with Zeref's bitching.
My blood started to boil as I recalled everything that happened, 'we have to end this.' Her words drowned out everything around me, I didn't understand why? After having her in my bed last night I thought we worked through everything.
But I guess I was wrong.
When Zeref came home I realized she wasn't going to show.
"What the in the hell, Natsu." He slammed the door so hard the walls shook.
I sat at the kitchen table with a glass of whiskey in front of me when he stormed through the house, "is she here? Where is she?"
"Calm the f*ck down," I took a small sip. When he confronted me in the kitchen with a pissed off expression. "She's not here," I drawled.
"I've been waiting for you all day," He stated. "Everyone showed up today but you! How do you think that makes me look?" His tone was lethal.
"I ran into a problem," I did feel kind of bad for bailing on my brother. "I'm sorry I didn't show, all right? I'm a dick." I took another sip.
"You're sorry?" A bitter laugh spilled from his lips, "the f*cking nerve you have Natsu. I'm out here busting my ass for you, getting you fights... opportunities and you just don't give a f*ck. You're too busy playing house with your girlfriend!" He yelled.
The burn of the whiskey only fueled the fire I felt low in my belly, "I can't believe you're letting this girl come between everything we've worked for."
"Enough." I said, threateningly. "I'm done listening to this." If he keeps on I'm liable to do something I'd regret. I took another sip and before he could continue on his bitch rant I said, "Lucy's gone so problem solved."
For once he was silent, "up and left in the middle night." I couldn't help the dry laugh that came from lips, "can you f*cking believe that?"
"She's gone, like actually gone?" Zeref sounded a little relieved which only added to my fire. "How'd you found out?" He seemed way more interested than I thought he'd be.
"Why do you care? She's gone. Like you wanted, right?" I got up from the table, "I'm going to bed." I felt the exhaustion sink in, I didn't have it in me to fight with Zeref tonight.
I just wanted to be alone.
When I locked myself in my bedroom that night I had forgotten about the hole in my wall, it reminded me of the hole she pushed through my heart.
[End of Flashback]
_____________________________________
"No slacking," Zeref glanced at me through the rear view mirror. "Make this sh*t count."
"Whatever," my sunglasses saved my dazed eyes from sun as I watched everyone on the sidewalks. There was a part deep inside me that hoped I'd catch a glimpse of her as if no time had passed.
If I ever saw her again I don't know what'd I do? If I'd be relieved or angry.
If I'd forgive her for making me fall in love with her just to run out on me.
"I'm serious, bro. You win this and we are on to the next big thing." Zeref turned into the parking lot.
"I get it." My brother and I have talked about this more times than I can count.
When our adoptive father took us in, I had a habit of getting myself into trouble so he said that I should channel my anger into boxing and that's how it all started. Zeref became an expert on the sport, kicking my ass into shape all before I was seventeen.
He parked the car and sighed, "look do you want to talk about it?"
When Lucy left Zeref gave me space for a couple of weeks, I guess that was him trying to be understanding. Of course, he'd continue to hound me about boxing that remained number one. He turned a blind eye when I went off the deep end, as long as I was in gym sun up to sun down he didn't care where I spent my nights.
I stayed quiet, looking out the window. "Maybe this is for the best," his words fell on deaf ears.
"Let's just go," I said. "I want to hit some sh*t."
Ever since she left I've had this unhealthy relationship with my punching bag, if I wasn't at home I was in the gym: weight training, doing heavy bag drills, footwork drills anything to fill my time to drown out the thought of her.
When it comes to women, it's nothing more than a one night situation. How was I supposed to know what Lucy was doing? The thought of another man touching her is enough to drive me crazy.
I'd be lying if I didn't think about what she was doing and who she was with. If she ever thought about me too.
I will say the rage has really upped my game, after all boxing is a combat sport and when my gloves make contact it helps release all this pent up aggression.
"All right, Salamander, you have five minutes." An employee from the arena poked his head into my locker room, "see you out there and good luck tonight."
I nodded my head, "appreciate it."
When he left, Zeref appeared at the door with a confident look on his face. "You ready?"
"Tsk, you bet your ass." I said smugly, "I have a good feeling about this one."
I was in one hell of a mood and if I was lucky, she's out there somewhere watching the monster she created.
