Chapter Text
Naruto POV
Brooklyn, New York
Christmas Morning 2017
Naruto heard Gramp’s steady knocking through the blankets he’d cocooned himself in. He listened to him and Tsunade arguing but Naruto couldn’t and wouldn’t decipher their words. Gramps shouted at her to be quiet as his knocking grew louder on the locked door. Naruto pulled his knees to his chest, asking the gods to turn the door into steel. The lock clicked open a few minutes later. Naruto cursed; he forgot the key to his apartment worked on his bedroom door. A large weight settled over his body, making it difficult to breathe.
“You gotta get up, kid,” Gramps said gently. Naruto wrapped the edges of the blanket around his fists but Gramps yanked them off, exposing Naruto’s face to the world. The overhead light hurt his swollen eyes. He groaned at the exposure and pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes. Tsunade tutted from the bedroom door.
“We braved the hellscape that is a New York taxi cab in subzero temperatures and you won’t get your ass up,” Tsunade chastised. Gramps started to wrestle the rest of Naruto’s body from his sanctuary.
A familiar sense of anger settled in Naruto’s gut. During elementary school, Naruto would try to play hooky. He’d take extra hot showers to pass as a fever or fake a cough. Gramps wasn’t fooled by these antics; he’d smother Naruto with his body or throw him over his massive shoulders to force Naruto to cooperate. It pissed him off then and it pissed him off now. Naruto used his core strength to flip Gramps off the bed. The old man hit the ground with a loud smack.
“I’m up, goddamn it, I’m up! Just…let me get dressed, okay?” Naruto said, automatically regretting what he’d done. The old man sat up, moaning and rubbing his lower back.
“Sounds great,” Tsunade said as she helped Gramps off the ground. “We washed your clothes and cleaned the place up already. We’ll go get breakfast once you’re ready.”
It was supposed to be below freezing all day but he could hear the city moving outside his window. He heard Christmas carols through someone’s open window. Naruto dressed as warmly and quickly as he could manage. He took a moment to wash his face, then rummaged around his cabinets for a bottle of concealer to deal with the swollen, red circles around his eyes. Konohamaru insisted he keeps some makeup in the house. “I hate to say this but no one in this city cares about your meltdown,” he explained nicely after a horrible studio session. Naruto took his advice and cried when no one was watching.
Naruto felt entirely exposed with his family here. Gramps and Tsunade threw sideways glances at him as they all walked to a local diner for breakfast. The place was way too loud and bright. Naruto couldn’t gather the energy to return the hostess’s smile or engage in the conversation at their table, too preoccupied with the effort it took to chew and swallow his food. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Gramps reached out and took Naruto’s clenched fist.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, pulling Naruto’s fingers apart. Naruto placed his fork down, swallowed the food in his mouth, licked his lips and shook his head.
“I…don’t know, Gramps,” he said shakily. Tsunade rubbed circles on his back. Naruto turned his face from her as the tears started. “He…Sasuke won’t talk to me…he won’t see me…and I’m running and running and running everyday.”
“Wait,” Tsunade said slowly. “Sweetheart, you aren’t making sense. Are you saying you two broke up?”
“I don’t know,” Naruto repeated, trying to keep his voice low in the crowded diner. “We started fighting a lot…everything was so stupid…and then I asked him to come see me and now he won’t talk to me.”
“sh*t,” Jiraiya said as he let go of Naruto’s hand. “You…young kids don’t know how to communicate.”
“Hush, this isn’t the time for your bitterness,” Tsunade snapped. She gently turned Naruto’s face to look at her. He met her loving gaze. The understanding in her eyes made him cry harder. She wrapped him in a tight hug.
“It’s okay,” she said, letting him cry into her sweater. “We’ve been so worried about you, up here by yourself. Shizune is handling the studio while I’m gone. Do you want me to come stay with you for a few more weeks?”
Naruto shook his head.
“What about coming home for a week or two?” Jiraiya offered. Naruto shook his head.
“You can’t function like this,” Tsunade said firmly. She pushed him back to look at him squarely in the eyes. “If you don’t want us here and you won’t go home, I’m sorry sweetheart but you need to pull yourself together.”
“She’s right, kid,” Jiraiya said resolutely. Naruto wiped his eyes roughly. “Trust me: we know how you feel right now. We’ve had our share of heartbreak. But you’ve got commitments and money to earn so here’s the deal: we are going to let you wallow, cry, eat junk, or whatever the f*ck you want to do until New Year. After midnight, you aren’t allowed to sulk anymore. Got it?”
Naruto took a hard look at his guardians. After a few weeks away, it became painfully clear how old they were. Jiraiya’s jaw was set but his eyes were kind. His bushy hair seemed more silver than gray now and his complexion was littered with liver spots. Tsunade, as beautiful as she was, couldn’t hide the way her hands were wrinkled around her knuckles. Time wasn’t on his side.
“I understand,” Naruto said.
They ate the rest of their breakfast before picking up several pizzas to take back home. In his cramped living room apartment, Naruto sat on the floor between Tsunade’s legs. Gramps picked a corny sitcom to watch on Netflix. It felt like the years they spent traveling for dance competitions. Tsunade played with his hair. Gramps poked fun at the characters on screen. Naruto laughed at his guardians' bickering.
They spent the week like that, venturing into the city during the warmest hours of the day. Naruto showed them around the neighborhood that was his temporary home. They met Konohamaru for lunch; Gramps laughed at the idea of a scrawny kid being in charge of Naruto. Tsunade had to buy a second suitcase to fit all the clothes she bought. By the time they left for the airport, Naruto almost felt whole.
Winter 2018
New York City Area
A Typical Friday
4:45 am – Naruto’s Brooklyn Apartment
His clothes hung in the closet, each outfit organized the weekend before to avoid missing the first train of the day. Naruto’s feet touched the cold floor before his alarm went off. He ran his fingers through his hair while his eyes adjusted to the darkness in his bedroom before heading to the bathroom. He showered in lukewarm water.
He avoided looking in the mirror as he got dressed in multiple layers with a thick orange beanie. He grabbed a premade protein shake and a cup of fruit out the fridge. He checked his pockets for keys, wallet, and phone. Naruto left in under 30 minutes with his pre-packed duffle bag in hand.
5:35 am – East New York Subway Station
Naruto yawned into the cold air on the platform with familiar faces: a middle-aged woman in a Dickey’s work uniform; two eccentric goth folks in anxiety inducing platform boots; a grouchy old man who enjoys mumbling expletives under his breath; and a young white girl with a messy top knot that gets off at the same stop at Naruto. Naruto adjusted his overhead headphones to relisten to his latest demos and ignored them all.
7:00 am – A Gym In Brooklyn
Naruto burst through the gym’s door. He held a stitch in his left side, struggling to catch his breath from running the last two blocks to make it on time. Anko, his personal trainer, made a sound of approval from her seat where she waited for him five days a week. She stopped the alarm clock on her phone.
“You're in luck! No mountain climbers today!” Anko said, giddy. Naruto gave her a thumbs up and a huge grin.
“I told you: I won't back down!” he said as he stood up and stretched his arms above his head.
“Excellent. I’m glad you got your heart rate up already because we’re doing heavy cardio today,” Anko said. Naruto moaned loudly but followed her to the treadmill.
9:00 am – A Cafe In Brooklyn
Anko ordered their meals for them: smoked salmon sandwiches and cappuccinos made with low-fat milk. Naruto ate happily at their usual seat near the window. He learned quickly to appreciate these healthy meals since Anko took over his training and nutrition but he looked forward to when she wasn’t around to stop him from indulging in the great food in Chinatown. His phone rang.
“Hey Konohamaru,” Naruto greeted between bites, the phone held between his ear and right shoulder.
“Morning, boss!” Konohamaru said. Naruto snorted, almost choking on the food in his mouth. He had no clue why Konohamaru insisted on calling him “boss” when Naruto was the one being ordered around. “Change of plans: the photoshoot location moved. I bullied them to switch the time but you need to get moving to make it on time.”
Naruto’s phone chimed in his ear. He opened the address texted him then rolled his eyes when he saw where it was.
“Who’s bright idea was this?” Naruto asked, already gathering his things. He wrapped the rest of his sandwich up to pack in his bag. “It’ll take me an hour or an hour and a half to get there by the metro.”
“Way ahead of you,” Konohamaru said. His voice sounded distant so Naruto was probably on speakerphone. “Head back to the gym and there’ll be an Uber waiting for you. I’ll text you the driver’s details. You can shower at the studio; I threatened them with your body odor if they didn’t have a place for you to clean up.”
“Gee, thanks,” Naruto said sarcastically. He gave Anko a one-armed hug in her seat and dashed out the door.
12:15 pm – A Studio In Queens
He arrived with enough time to gather his wits under the blessedly hot shower water and moisturize his body with an overpriced bottle of lotion. New York winter had taken a toll on his skin; Konohamaru and Kurenai sent him to a dermatologist under the threat of physical violence because, as Kurenai explained: “Your skin is your f*cking job now”.
Naruto sat in a chair, half-listening to the hair stylist while he blow-dried his hair, only chiming in from time to time to keep the conversation going. When he signed his contract, he’d underestimated how much time would be invested into his image. It felt like there was an entire army of professionals assigned to deal with his hair, skin, and body. This was his fourth photo shoot and he still wasn’t used to being pampered. Konohamaru assured him he was adjusting better than most new artists, saying his positive attitude was infectious and made him easy to work with. Naruto couldn’t understand how being polite was worth praising. He’d even won the favor of the most senior makeup artist on set, Konan. Konohamaru assured him that she disliked most people.
“You still have bags under your eyes, hot stuff,” Konan remarked as she set up her station. Naruto kept perfectly still to let the hair stylist and Konan tag team his look. He folded his hands onto his lap and picked at his fingernails, resisting the urge to touch his hair and face.
“I trust you to help,” Naruto said with a toothy grin. She smiled back and started applying a color corrector under his eyes and his cheeks. She’d sent him home with a few items the last time they’d met so he wouldn’t show up at club appearances looking like a hot mess. Naruto appeared tired and battered in one too many Instagram stories.
“I’ll do my best,” she said, amused. “You know, I could bully Konohamaru to let you sleep in. He owes me a few favors.”
“Oh? What’s a kid like him doing owing favors to you?” Naruto asked, eyes shut while she applied foundation. She chuckled darkly.
“Not telling or I’d lost my leverage. But seriously: how much longer until the EP release?” Konan asked.
“We’re almost done with recording,” Naruto said, stifling a yawn. “And once this shoot is done, we’ll have the promotional images for the EP and the teasers for the full album. Luckily, I can go back to Atlanta in the spring and record the music videos there.”
“Aw, I won’t get to see your pretty face anymore?” Konan asked. She sounded like she wouldn’t miss Naruto at all. He laughed at her dry humor. She was one of the few people he’d met who was easy to talk to. He learned the hard way that the rumor about rude New Yorkers was very true. The hairstylist put in a pair of earpods as he began the last rounds of primping on Naruto’s hair.
“I mean, if you really have leverage on Konohamaru, just ask him to fly you down for filming,” Naruto said conspiratorially. “I’m not sure anyone else could handle this ugly mug.”
“You’re the farthest thing from ugly,” Konan said, giggling. “Sure, I’ll ask him to put me on the roster. I’d love to go to Atlanta; it’s been years since I’ve been.”
“Fifteen minutes, guys,” one of the photography assistants called. Konan rolled her eyes but sped up her process. Naruto closed his eyes and dozed off. Someone would wake him up.
4:45 pm – The Backseat of An Uber
Konohamaru tapped his foot repeatedly as Naruto reviewed the rough shots from the photoshoot on an iPad. Konan had truly worked miracles because Naruto didn’t look tired at all. At Naruto’s insistence, the label agreed to keep his usual style of clothing but they compromised on the quality of it. He wore a pair of baggy, low-rise Diesel jeans and a graphic tee that the team had distressed and ripped to reveal his abs. In another shot, he was completely shirtless, body slightly turned away from the camera to give the impression that he was stretching. He’d been skeptical about the photography director’s decision to use orange, blue, and green lighting but Naruto was pleasantly surprised. The entire vibe made him look sexy but inviting.
“Do you like it? Hate it? Should we scrap it?” Konohamaru said in a rush. Naruto tutted at his anxiety and handed the iPad back to Konohamaru.
“We aren’t about to scrap almost 4 hours of work,” Naruto said amicably. “And I love it. Can we make sure we get the crew’s socials and addresses? I want to make sure we thank them all properly online.”
“You got it, boss!” Konohamaru replied. He started rapidly typing on his iPad. “I’ll forward these to Kurenai’s assistant for her to look over. Then we can narrow down the album cover next week.”
Naruto nodded while rubbing his stomach. He got used to delaying his meals but he was starving. To his surprise, the Uber stopped in front of a Greek restaurant.
“C’mon, I won’t tell Anko what you ordered if you don’t listen to any stories Konan tells you,” Konohamaru said, smiling as he got out of the car.
“You got a deal!” Naruto said, rushing after him. He ordered a large platter of lamb and beef, rice and spicy tzatziki sauce and a large co*ke.
7:22 pm — Manhattan, Hidden Leaf Records, Recording Room #23
Guy and Rock Lee were arguing loudly when Naruto and Konohamaru entered. The room had two couches, a coffee table covered with snacks and drinks, and several chairs in front of the mixing station. Their sound engineer, Sasame, sat in front of the switchboard as she watched the two bickering men while she sipped a mug of coffee. The young woman insisted on keeping a mug shaped like a cat on her person at all times. She perked up when Naruto approached her, leaned down, and gave her a huge hug.
“Hey, how’d the shoot go?” Sasame asked.
“Really well,” he replied, sinking into one of the chairs beside her. They’d spent many hours together inside this room and he counted himself lucky. Sasame was insanely talented but humble enough to listen to Naruto’s feedback. He’d been worried about working with someone other than Choji but, luckily, he found a friend in the young woman. “I listened to the demo for the album this morning. What else you got for me, oh magical Sasame?”
“Actually,” Guy interrupted, ignoring Rock Lee’s spluttering attempts to keep their argument going. “I’m the one who asked you all to come in because we got great news: we got clearance from the big wigs to sample Brownstone’s single!”
Naruto felt a sense of dread like his stomach was falling to his feet. The song, If You Love Me , was a point of contention between himself, Konohamaru, Guy, and the rest of his team. Naruto insisted that his first single shouldn’t be a cover. He argued that it should be original music but everyone—even Sasame—loved his vocals for the song.
He’d originally covered it on his YouTube channel a few months after moving off GSU’s campus. It was one of a series of songs he’d recorded while licking his wounds over Gaara. To appease his team, Naruto went through the motions of recording a demo Acapella to send to the original label, Epic Records. He hoped the request to sample and cover the song would be rejected but it seemed he lost this argument.
“This is great news!” Konohamaru said, dancing in his spot on the sofa. “Sasame, please tell me you have a rough cut. Please!”
“Calm down,” Sasame said, putting her mug of coffee down on the table and then turning back to the switchboard. “Of course, I have a rough cut. What kind of fool do you take me for?”
She hit play. Naruto leaned back in his chair and frowned. It was good. Better than good, actually. She’d reorganized the instrumentals to make it sound contemporary without straying too far from the original’s jazz and soul influences. His vocals, however, needed a lot of work. Sasame scanned his face and made an expression that said what’s on your mind?.
“If y’all insist on this being released, I want the vocals scrapped,” he said firmly. Konohamaru sighed heavily behind him.
“Not this again,” Konohamaru groaned. Naruto ignored him. Konohamaru liked blowing smoke up Naruto’s ass about how good his singing was but good wasn’t the goal. He was going to be the best.
“I don’t want their background vocals,” Naruto continued, speaking to Sasame directly. “I don’t have any background singers so let’s not pretend like I do. I’ll record that myself.”
“We don’t have time—” Konohamaru started. Naruto got up and walked into the recording studio. He put his headphones on.
“Sasame, start from the bridge please,” Naruto asked into the mic. Guy folded his hands behind his head and propped his feet on the coffee table. Rock Lee brought Naruto a bottle of water. If I’m going to put my heart on the line, Naruto thought as Sasame prepared the music. Then I’m going to do it my way.
11:27 pm — Chinatown, Ichiraku’s Ramen Bar And Nightclub
Naruto left the studio with a deep sense of satisfaction. He’d rerecorded all of his vocals in under 3 hours. Konohamaru’s jaw sitting on the carpet satisfied him deeply. Naruto explained to his manager that he had zero interest in making mediocre music. Konohamaru seemed to think excellence meant long studio sessions but Naruto knew what the real issue was: longer studio sessions meant a tighter budget. Konohamaru would learn that Naruto hated wasting time and money.
There were better things to do than rehash the same tracks repeatedly, like go to his favorite restaurant. Naruto left his team in the record label’s lobby to hail a cab. He knew they’d encourage him to go home to sleep. He wasn’t in the mood for that. If he sat at home too long, Naruto would end up scrolling through his phone reminiscing. He kept his phone firmly in his pants pocket and his eyes on the streets passing by on his way to Irchiraku’s.
Ichiraku’s was packed every Friday night. When he stepped through the faux Japanese doors, a cacophony of languages and smells assaulted his senses. The restaurant at the bottom could easily seat 100 people plus there was a nightclub at the top that could hold an additional 130. But Naruto spent so much time here that the hostess simply waved at him as he headed to the bar on the first floor. The owner, Teuchi, stood on the guest side of the bar chatting with the regulars. Teuchi cheered when Naruto took a seat.
“Superstar!” Teuchi said, slapping Naruto on the back. “You’re late!”
“And I’m starving, old man,” Naruto said with a smile. “Please help me. I’m going to die.”
Teuchi laughed and called Naruto’s regular order to the bartender. “It’ll be out soon,” Teuchi assured him. “Are you going upstairs? The DJ was tough to book.”
“I’ll go peak,” Naruto replied. The bartender placed his order in front of him and Naruto tucked in immediately.
“My daughter will be so disappointed if you don’t go,” Teuchi said, feigning sadness. “She says your dancing keeps the floor packed and the booze flowing.”
“You make me sound like a showgirl,” Naruto said, mouth full of noodles. Teuchi just laughed and walked away to chat with other customers.
After he ate and paid his tab, Naruto ventured upstairs. The bouncer nodded at Naruto and gave him a wristband; Teuchi must’ve asked them to wave his cover charge. Naruto rolled his eyes at the special treatment but made a note to thank the man later.
It was significantly more crowded upstairs. Loud, West Indian music permeated the space. Naruto recognized the DJ almost immediately and laughed at the sheer irony of it. Only in New York would Asian Americans pay for DJ Avalanche.
Naruto had to turn sideways to push his way through the hordes of bodies, making a beeline to where Ayame stood. She kept herself sequestered on a balcony where she could scan the room for any instigators or bad elements. Ayame waved at him when she spotted him. He waved back and then turned towards the bar. He ordered a double shot of tequila and drank it.
Naruto was on his way to the dance floor when he felt someone behind him. He turned to make eye contact with a moderately handsome Asian man. He had brown skin, short black hair, and dark brown eyes. He was covered in sweat and smelt distinctly of honey-spiced cologne. Naruto plastered a smile on his face.
“Do you want to dance with me?” the stranger asked.
“If you take a shot with me, sure,” Naruto replied mischievously. The stranger waved the bartender over. They took their tequila shots and headed to the dance floor.
Pressed against this man’s chest in an increasingly drunken state, Naruto let the vibration from the floor ease his aches and pains away. He ignored the alarm bells telling him to sleep. He swayed and ground his hips against this stranger, uncaring about how handsy he was getting. He didn’t even want to ask for his name. It didn’t matter right now. In the darkness, under the flashing lights, amongst the crowd of nameless faces from unknown places, Naruto could imagine these hands were Sasuke’s. He could almost place the scent of incense, cedar, and vanilla Sasuke carried on his skin like a prayer. But when the stranger grabbed his hand to pull him off the dance floor, Naruto shrugged him off. The man huffed and walked away, his cursing lost in the roar coming from the speakers.
Naruto kept on dancing. He let the people in the crowd cheer him on. He danced until his shirt clung to his sweaty skin. He took the free drinks. Eventually, he lost all sense of time and place. He wasn’t tired or worried or scared. He existed in the rhythm and bass coming through the speakers, at one with the crowd of strangers who were indifferent to his dreams, heartaches, or ambitions. None of them mattered. He didn’t matter. The arguments and past didn’t matter. If he disappeared right now, Naruto would be content.
3:56 am — Chinatown, Ichiraku’s Ramen Bar And Nightclub, The Bathroom
“Easy does it, superstar,” Teuchi said, holding Naruto’s head steady over the toilet as he emptied the contents of his stomach. Naruto held onto the side of the bowl but his palms were so sweaty that they slid dangerously.
“Here,” Ayame said somewhere behind them. Naruto felt a cool glass pressed against his neck. He sat as gracefully as he could manage on the bathroom floor then took the glass of Alka Seltzer.
“I made the bed at my place for you,” Ayame said. “Meet me downstairs when you can. Most of the club is cleared out.”
Naruto nodded. Teuchi patted him on the back and they both left the bathroom. When he heard the door close, Naruto put his head in his hands to weep where no one could see.
