Chapter Text
Sakura jogged her way to her team’s meeting point, shoving the pastry she’d picked up on the way out that morning into her mouth. It was weird to think that only a couple of weeks before she’d have fainted at the thought. She hadn’t allowed herself something so high carb in a long time but after yesterday, she knew she had to make some changes.
She’d been forcing herself to eat more since she started training for real. It hadn’t been enough since she’d been forced to miss the farming D-rank yesterday due to illness. Her family doctor had said she’d exhausted herself and need to either increase her calorie intake or cut down on the training. Losing time on training wasn’t an option so Sakura had agreed to snack throughout the day on top of her meals. It wasn’t easy; every bite she took felt like it was converting itself to fat and she hadn’t been able to stop checking her body in the mirror every day to make sure she wasn’t becoming flabby. She knew it was a habit she had to break. She had to stop thinking of her body in terms of how skinny it could be and instead about how strong it was; if she had to put on weight to get stronger, that was what she would have to do. She knew that it would take a long time to train herself out of thinking like that. It was hard to break habits built over years.
Being a kunoichi was a lot harder than she’d ever imagined. She’d thought she’d been ready when she graduated from the academy, but her team had given her a hell of a wake-up call. Sasuke-kun thought she was weak and Naruto didn’t even think she was worth the time of day. She could tell that even Kakashi-sensei thought she was the weakest in the team. She didn’t like it. She’d graduated at the top of her class in the academy and she’d held that position with pride. She’d left that team meeting at first not knowing what she was going to do, overwhelmed by the negative thoughts crowding her mind. She slowly realised over the course of that day that she needed to show them that they were wrong about her, but it wasn’t until she’d started training to show them all just how wrong they were about her that she realised that they were right.
She was the weakest in the team. She struggled with exercises that Naruto and Sasuke could do without breaking a sweat. It was embarrassing. She’d been too ashamed to even greet Sasuke-kun in the mornings and she avoided speaking to either of them. She just couldn’t face them, knowing they were right. She hadn’t a clue what being a kunoichi meant and she’d taken the career so lightly.
She had vowed to change things and become a team member that Sasuke-kun could respect. So he would look at her and see an equal he could fall in love with. It had taken him talking about her like that but Sakura had finally realised that her looks didn’t matter to Sasuke. He only cared about her strength and skill. It was mortifying to know that she had been focused on all the wrong things but it wasn’t too late. She may not have perfect hair or skin or clothes but if she could show that she was strong, that she was working hard and could contribute to the team then that would be enough for Sasuke to look at her and see someone who could support him. She didn’t like Naruto but she did want him to acknowledge her too.
It was really, really hard. She was exhausted and her legs hurt and she had cuts all over her hands and she felt like she would never be clean again. She often wondered what she could have been able to do if she had started earlier but that didn’t help her now. She was learning that while getting fitter was a physical matter, it was more of a mental battle. She felt like stopping so many times and catching her breath but she pushed herself to go that bit further and she always managed to do it.
She could do this. Kakashi-sensei had given her a real training menu to follow and she diligently completed it every day, adding extra runs where she could. She was going to start looking into ways to improve her taijutsu next. It was what she saw Sasuke-kun practicing the most so she figured that should be her next focus. The academy had put them through katas and spars a lot in their final years but wasn’t anything like what she saw Naruto and Sasuke-kun doing. They were way faster and hit way harder and she didn’t know how to achieve that. She should pay another visit to the library.
“Forehead?”
She stopped, looking over to the familiar voice. She hadn’t realised she was passing Ino’s family’s flower shop, too lost in her thoughts. The other girl was standing out front, a basket of flowers in her hands. She was still as beautiful as when she’d last seen her; long, silky blonde hair, clear skin, large pale blue eyes, a figure Sakura would kill for. She’d always been jealous of the way Ino looked. It was so unfair that she was just born like that.
“Ino-pig,” she called back automatically.
“What happened?” Ino walked toward her and Sakura could see real concern in her eyes. “You’re a mess.”
“I’ve been training,” Sakura shrugged, biting and swallowing the last piece of pastry.
“You’re on a team with Sasuke-kun!” Ino scowled. “You’re not going to win his heart looking like that! Do you have any idea how many calories that pastry has? Have you given up?”
She smirked.
“Are you finally admitting defeat to me?”
Sakura looked at her for a long moment. In the academy, Ino had been her ultimate rival. She couldn’t count the number of arguments and contests they’d had in an effort to prove themselves the better partner for Sasuke-kun. Sasuke-kun hadn’t once acknowledged them and Sakura had attributed it to the aloof, mysterious aura that made Sasuke-kun so cool. Now she had spent a couple of weeks with him, seeing how he interacted with Naruto, it was so pathetically easy to see he truly hadn’t cared. All those challenges, losing Ino as her best friend, it hadn’t mattered.
“I just realised that I need to grow up,” she replied, ignoring the bait. “I’m a kunoichi now; having perfect hair and make-up won’t be any use on a mission if I can’t back it up with real skills.”
Ino shot her a strange look.
“What happened to you?” she demanded. “This isn’t you.”
“Sasuke-kun isn’t so shallow that those things matter to him,” Sakura met her gaze confidently. “He cares about strength, so I’m going to be come strong. Not just for Sasuke-kun’s sake, but mine too.”
She never wanted to feel like she had the day after the Bell test ever again. She wasn’t okay with being the weakest but she could live with it as long as she knew she was working to change it. There were a lot of things outside of her control but this wasn’t one of them.
“We’re not academy students anymore, Ino,” she said, shaking her head. “We’re kunoichi. We need to start taking that seriously. I haven’t given up on Sasuke-kun but I now know there’s a lot of other stuff I need to focus on. Sasuke-kun isn’t going anywhere and if I want him to look at me, I need to prove I’m strong enough to stand by his side.”
She looked up, cursing at the time.
“Sorry Ino, I have to go.”
She didn’t wait for the blonde girl’s reply as she resumed her jog. She had to hurry; she couldn’t arrive later than Kakashi-sensei.
Naruto tapped his foot as Kakashi explained the training exercise. The jounin had been four hours late this time and while it had given Naruto extra time to work on his kenjutsu, it also delayed his plans for the rest of the day. He carried out most of his training outside of Team Seven hours and this was taking a good chunk of time out of it.
“I am not doing that.”
All eyes turned to him.
“Naruto, this is not optional.”
“This is ridiculous!” He threw up his hands. “I’m not doing it!”
“It is just a training exercise,” Kakashi tried to appease him but Naruto would not be swayed.
“For newly graduated genin,” he pointed out. “I did this on my own like three years ago.”
“This exercise isn’t meant to be done alone…”
Naruto crossed his arms, glaring at Kakashi. He was not about to waste his morning doing a damn obstacle course. He was not opposed to the concept but this particular course was a permanent fixture in Training Ground Two and it was purpose built for newly graduated genin to get used to travelling through terrain. They had the occasional survival trip in the academy but that was more to learn the essential of camping than anything else. They wouldn’t know the Tree-walking technique at this point so it was an appropriate level of difficulty…for them. Naruto had C-rank guard patrols that were more difficult than that course. It would be way too easy for Sasuke too.
“You’ve never done it tied to other genin.”
“Yeah, because I don’t need to be,” Naruto shook his head. “That course is meant to simulate travelling on missions. I don’t know why the f*ck I would be tied to my teammates on a mission.”
“It’s a team training exercise,” Kakashi emphasised. “Something you need a significant amount of work on.”
“It’s a waste of time! I know I can do it, Sasuke can do it! It would only be Sakura and I ain’t spending two hours getting dragged down by someone who can’t pull herself up a wall!”
“And if you were attached to Sakura by a rope and she fell, what would you do?”
“Cut the rope,” Naruto said as if it was obvious because it was.
“And Sasuke?”
“Cut. The. Rope.”
“Naruto, you are on a team! You cannot just abandon your teammates whenever you feel like it!”
“They should be able to look after themselves! If I cut the rope, I believe they will be able to save themselves! How is that being a bad teammate?”
“And what if they didn’t? What if they died?”
Naruto felt something twist in gut at the thought of losing Sasuke but he squashed it. It didn’t matter; it wasn’t going to happen because Sasuke could handle his sh*t. He could see that there was something more to this for Kakashi but Naruto wasn’t going to compromise his training for whatever emotional baggage Kakashi was lugging around.
“It wouldn’t be my fault that they can’t look after themselves.”
Kakashi’s eye twitched and Naruto could see his grey eye darkened in anger. He was really pissed off, but guess what, so was Naruto. This sh*t had been coming since they were placed on the same team. Their ideals were too different.
“What if it was you? They cut the rope on you?”
“Good! I would figure it out! I ain’t special; I don’t expect to be treated any different!”
Kakashi sighed heavily.
“What do you want me to do? Carry her through the whole course?”
“No, go at the slowest person’s pace and assist each other. Like. A. Goddamn. Team.”
“I don’t see how that is any different than carrying her through the f*cker.”
“Naruto!” Kakashi yelled and Naruto could tell he was reaching his limit. He was quite impressed with himself. Kakashi was hard to ruffle on a good day and he’d been dealing with Naruto for years. He couldn’t get this kind of reaction out of him often but he found he couldn’t even enjoy it. “When are you going to get it through your thick skull that you are a part of this team!”
Something in Naruto snapped.
“You think I don’t know that?” He spat. “I know I’m stuck on this goddamn team. I turn up for training, I go on the stupid D-ranks, I meet every single f*cking obligation that is attached to this f*cking team but is that good enough for you? No! It’s all ‘Naruto, be nice to your teammates’ or ‘Naruto, slow down’ or ‘Naruto, hold yourself back for their sake’. I didn’t ask for this! I wanted to stay with Gai-sensei!”
Sasuke and Sakura had vanished from his view and all he could see was Kakashi as he released all the rage that had been building up for the past couple of weeks.
“I am being forced on missions that are well below my skill level and training that doesn’t even challenge me! The f*cking Hokage decided that I should be put on this team because I can’t be nice to civilians who hate my f*cking guts and would kill me given half a chance! People from my class are f*cking chunin! I’m not even allowed to sit the exam! And yet, I suck it up! I turn up every goddamn day and suffer through whatever half-assed training you offer because you can’t be bothered to turn up!”
He felt like he’d stalled, like he was stuck while the world moved around him. He had been a genin for so long and it was stifling. He was sick of seeing the people around him move forward when he was forced to stay still through no choice of his own. What was even worse is that not only could he not move forward, he had been being forced backwards ever since joining this team.
“Why do I always have to be one to bend? It’s not my fault I graduated early! I am doing my absolute f*cking best to put up with sh*t and do productive training in my own time but you go on and on about teamwork and depending on each other and making each other better but that doesn’t f*cking apply here because I can’t depend on anyone! Sakura is too weak and you’re too busy trying to make us work together than to actually look and see what the f*ck is going wrong!”
He used to be able to do what he wanted. He hadn’t trained with Gai-sensei every day, but he could do C-ranks that challenged him and training that he actually liked and generally exist in peace. At least on C-ranks he could occasionally leave the village! He didn’t just lose Gai-sensei but all of that too. Nobody seemed to get that. They just assumed he was being rude and difficult because he was an asshole and not because he hated absolutely everything about his situation.
That was the truth of it; he hated his life right now. He hated that he couldn’t take the chunin exams; he hated that he lost Gai-sensei; he hated that no matter how much he avoided them the villagers still blamed him for sh*t that wasn’t his fault; he hated that he’d lost his freedom; he hated that his choices had been taken away from him; he hated that no one would even acknowledge that fact he was f*cking trying. If he really wanted to, he could miss every team meeting and mission and do his own thing. He would be punished by the Hokage but that wasn’t anything new. f*ck, he could leave the village! He wouldn’t get far without the ANBU catching him, he knew that from when he’d tried when he was younger, but he could figure it out. He was a lot stronger than he had been when he was four. He’d only decided to try and leave the village the legal ways when all of his attempts failed.
“I don’t even know why I try!” he threw up his hands. “This is Naruto just being difficult right? I’m the asshole who refuses to work in a team because I’m evil and horrible and difficult! Everything is my fault, right? Just ask the f*cking villagers! I can’t do anything right!”
He stopped, his chest heaving and his mouth dry as the silence weighed on the surroundings. He hadn’t meant to say that much; f*ck, he didn’t want to deal with this. f*ck this; f*ck everything.
“I’m outta here.”
He turned and ran from the training ground. No one called him back.
Kakashi slumped further into the branch, the quiet rustling of leaves washing over him. He was pathetic; he was a terrible teacher and Minato-sensei would be so disappointed in him. How had he managed to get everything so wrong?
He knew Naruto had his issues with teamwork and it had been something that Kakashi wanted to try and address. When he looked at Naruto, he saw himself before Obito died. He’d also been against having a team and he’d cared more about his own training and missions than he did Obito and Rin. He just didn’t want Naruto to have to learn the lessons the hard way, like he did. There wasn’t a day that went by when Kakashi didn’t regret his actions and the attitude that led to the loss of his team. He didn’t want it to break Naruto like it broke him.
He hadn’t really tried when Naruto was just his ninjutsu student. He hadn’t wanted to overstep and Gai was doing a great job with him. He’d seen the changes in Naruto over his time as Gai’s student and while it wasn’t all the way there, it had been leaps and bounds from the first day. When he’d been reassigned to Kakashi, he knew it was a chance to try and show the kid that having a team was a good thing; that they could support each other, help each other improve, that he could have allies to fall back on. It was a stroke of luck that he and Sasuke not only already knew each other but actually seemed to get along. He still didn’t know how that had happened.
He knew Sakura was one of the problems here. She was so far behind the boys and her attitude at first had been problematic. While he did not agree with the way it was done, he could already see the changes in Sakura. She was putting a lot more effort in and seemed less focused on Sasuke. She still wasn’t ready for a C-rank but she was least now heading in the right direction. Part of it wasn’t her fault; she was from a civilian family. The only exposure she’d had to being a kunoichi was through the academy and that was a tame, sanitised version to what the reality was.
But was it really fair to hold the other two back for her sake? Naruto’s words had been bothering him since their argument this morning and he knew deep down that the kid was right. Kakashi hadn’t acknowledged how hard everything had been for him and hadn’t appreciated that Naruto really was trying in his own way. He hadn’t missed a mission or training session even if his attitude towards Sakura still fell short. It wasn’t what Kakashi had wanted from him but that didn’t change the fact that Naruto was making the effort. He’d seen the way the kid responded to other jounin he didn’t like and Naruto didn’t act that way with him. It was certainly not to the levels of admiration and respect he held for Gai but Naruto did respect Kakashi, in his own way.
He’d probably screwed all that up now, hadn’t he? Naruto was right; it was unfair of Kakashi to ask him to slow down for his teammates. It was for the good of the team but to the detriment of Naruto. That wasn’t fair. Naruto’s wasn’t willing to slow down and support his teammates, which had been Kakashi’s main issue with him, but also hadn’t seen things from Naruto’s point of view. He couldn’t rely on his teammates either since they were not strong enough yet and why would Naruto allow them to rely on him if he couldn’t do the same? Sasuke was advanced for a genin fresh out of the academy, even if he wasn’t quite on the same level as Naruto yet, but he was still getting used to being a genin.
And yet he couldn’t throw Sakura and Sasuke into the deep end; that was a sure fire way of getting them killed. He dropped his head back onto the tree trunk. How was he going to do this? He had to change the way he was doing things and try to be better, but how was he going to do that? All his genin were at different levels and they all needed different things and working as a real team would be impossible until they were all at more similar levels. Did he abandon team training to focus on them individually? Would that be better for them as a team in the long run?
How would that help them be a team though? It would put them on a level footing so they could work better on missions and team exercises but would it make a difference to Naruto’s viewpoint? He knew Naruto would still cut the rope even if they stronger so that didn’t help the whole ‘try and get Naruto to see that teams are a good thing’ plan. And even if he trained them at levels appropriate for them, they would never get to similar levels as Naruto would keep improving; Sakura would never catch up.
He was at a loss. He didn’t know what he was going to do. All he did know was that things had to change. He couldn’t drive Naruto away any further and as it was, he didn’t know if he would be able to repair the damage already done. Why did he think he would be a good jounin-sensei for them? He was a complete failure; he had failed his own genin team and now he was failing his students.
He knew he hadn’t put as much effort into being a jounin-sensei as he could have. He felt like if he actually tried, he would just screw things up even further. He wanted to be a good teacher like Minato-sensei but he felt stuck. He hated not knowing what to do and he didn’t want to make the wrong choices. It was a bit late for that though; apparently he’d already been making all the wrong choices.
He needed to figure something out. He may be a failure but these kids were his responsibility. It was time to stop running from that. He may make the wrong decisions but he was doing that now; the worst had already happened. His fears were already becoming reality. How could he make things worse than what they already were? Things couldn’t stay the way they were and Kakashi vowed then and there to change. He didn’t know how yet but his team deserved better. Naruto deserved better.
Naruto slammed the window shut, cursing the old bag beneath his breath. She’d made another ploy to kick him out and he was so f*cking fed up with it. He paid his rent, he didn’t make any noise, he kept his trash tidy, and he even cleaned the place. What more did she want from him? He had seen places kept in worse conditions during his D-ranks and yet they didn’t have their landlady trying to kick them out at any given opportunity. She’d said he was bad for business and he had noticed that the apartments on his floor never stayed full for long but he knew that had more to do with the building’s tendency to lack hot water and electricity for days on end. He didn’t even use his front door so no one would even see him in the corridor. He knew the Kyūbi had killed her only son in the attack but that didn’t have anything to do with him.
He took a breath of the crisp morning air, taking a moment to appreciate the quiet. He could almost imagine the village was completely empty. He didn’t let himself linger for long, making his way across the rooftops. He would not be attending the training for Team Seven today so he had to find somewhere Kakashi and Sasuke wouldn’t think to look for him. Unfortunately, the pair of them knew him a little too well for his liking although it was still nowhere near to the extent of Gai-sensei.
He hopped down to the ground in one of the side alleys, heading out to the Hokage Mountain. He had never been there with either of them so it should be safe. He shoved his hands into his pockets, glaring at the ground as he walked through the empty streets. He wasn’t sure what to do here. He’d said his piece and he’d meant every word but that didn’t actually change the situation. The Chunin Exams were only a few months away but he had no guarantee that Kakashi would offer up the other two to sit it with him; saying dumb sh*t like they weren’t ready or something. He didn’t think he could wait another year. He couldn’t spend another year pissing his hard work up the wall just because the people around him were useless.
Maybe…maybe it was time to consider leaving. He was much stronger than he was during his last attempt and if he picked the right time and disguise, he could probably do it. He could leave one of his clones here to buy him some time too. He didn’t know what he would do when he actually left but he was sure he would figure it out. He could just go after bounties or something.
He walked up to the cliff face and looked up and the cold, stone faces of previous Hokage. He didn’t feel a connection to them, not like everyone else seemed to. The only things he would be leaving behind really was Sasuke, Kakashi, Hayate, Gai-sensei and Ichiraku Ramen. Sasuke, Kakashi and Hayate would be totally fine without him and Gai-sensei had his new team to worry about. He would miss Ichiraku Ramen but there was bound to be other ramen out there; he could spend some of his free time finding one just as good.
“Naruto-kun!”
Naruto jumped out of his skin and snapped around to stare at a grinning Gai-sensei. He hadn’t changed from the last time he’d seen him; a perfectly symmetrical bowl-cut, shining white teeth and skin-tight green spandex. He quickly looked around but couldn’t see any of his genin team.
“Hi, Gai-sensei.”
“Are you here to train, Naruto-kun?” Gai-sensei grinned brightly. “You were always a most diligent student!”
“Yeah,” Naruto agreed, not mentioning that he was here mainly to avoid people. Training was just a side benefit. “You too?”
“I am challenging myself to climb this mountain with one hand!” Gai-sensei laughed. “Kakashi and I had a challenge to do so and I lost to my rival, so I must train to address my shortcomings!”
Naruto personally couldn’t imagine Kakashi having the motivation to do that much physical labour. His happiness at seeing Gai-sensei dimmed at the thought of his new jounin-sensei.
“Is everything alright, Naruto-kun?”
His head snapped up to stare at Gai-sensei. Was he that obvious? Gai-sensei had always been a little too good at reading him.
“Yeah, Gai-sensei,” he brushed it off. “Are we going to climb this or what?”
Gai-sensei immediately lit up and Naruto blinked at his blinding smile.
“You are flourishing in your Springtime of Youth, Naruto-kun! How wonderful that you would join my training!”
Naruto couldn’t hide his small smile at the man’s antics. It was a breath of fresh air after the last couple of weeks. He needed this; he needed the uncomplicated approach that Gai-sensei had. A spoon was a spoon with Gai-sensei and he would never hold back with his students. He would only encourage them to try harder.
“Race you to the top?” he offered.
Gai-sensei laughed.
“Of course, Naruto-kun!”
Naruto faced the wall and readied himself, thoughts of Team Seven shoved to the back of his mind. He would need his full concentration for this and for the first time since he’d left Gai-sensei’s tutelage, he felt like he was actually doing something. He would think back on his plans to leave later, but for now, he would soak in the challenge and thrill that came with being Gai-sensei’s student, if only for a short time.
