All Purpose Ranma Fanfiction Thread (2024)

NOTHING WE CAN'T BEAT, Chapter 1

"Stupid duck-boy leave Shampoo alone!"

- slash - block - kick - dodge - throw - parry -

"This was in best intentions, I swear!"

- thrust - punch - duck - sweep - counter -

"All your fault, Saotome! Somehow, this is all your fault!"

- block again - spin - sommersault - grab - uppercut -

"We'll be together now!"

- sidestep - feint - kidneys! - pull - swing -

"Idiot! Pervert! You!... You!..."

- smash - tackle - cut - jump - ram -

"Stay still and face your death!"

The group of fighting people didn't turn into an angry tangle of limbs only because half of them kept using ranged attacks. Everyone was attacking everybody else, in an all-out six-sided brawl. The power of blows was enough to break asphalt and level whatever walls got in the way.

For the participants, it was just another argument that got slightly out of hand. Okay, maybe more then slightly.

They had no intention of stopping anytime soon when a sudden rain forced them to cool down. Ranma landed on his butt. Without standing up, he (she) turned his (her) back to Shampoo's clothes and the... Creature that moved under them. Akane, overextended from a punch that didn't connect, fell to the ground. She hurried to stand up, wiping her face.

"You knew it all along!" the girl accused her fiancee. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Oh yeah? How about all the times I called Ryoga P-chan?"

"Uh, guys?" asked Ukyo, who managed to land on her feet.

"I thought you were teasing him!"

"Because I was!"

"I think this is more important..."

"And you just allowed him to... To..."

"Ri-ight, remember what happened when I tried to get him out of your room? And who brought him there in the first place?"

"HEY!" the okonomiyaki chef snapped.

"What?" Ranma and Akane snapped back.

"Do any of you know this place?"

They were in a clearing, inside a dense forest. The area was surprisingly little damaged, considering how the group's fights usually went. It also didn't look at all familiar - the closest forest this dense was at least an hour away by train from their neighbourhood. The fight hadn't lasted fifteen minutes.

The sudden change of location puzzled everyone enough to cease hostilities. The rain that drenched them was an annoying dribble, of the kind that usually last most of the day. Taking a shelter under the trees wouldn't work - they were already soaked, and the water was dripping from the branches. The next best thing was to take their bearings, so Mousse was sent to fly, and Ranma climbed up a tree. After a few minutes, the redhead leapt down and announced:

"Wherever we are, it's nowhere near Nerima. I can't see a single familiar landmark from here. It's all just trees and some kind of mountains in that direction."

"Any good news?" Akane asked.

"Yeah, actually - the rain is going to stop soon. I saw the edge of the clouds from up there."

"That's wonderfull! We'll be able to start a fire and dry ourselves!" said Ukyo, bringing the clothes that their friends-turned-animals left behind.

"Yeah, and hopefully get some hot water," Ranma agreed.

"Am I the only one who is freaked out, even a little?" Akane frowned.

"My dad turns into a panda," young Saotome explained. "He eats a lot of bamboo, which is not a human food. Once, I tried to figure out why his stomach never hurts when he reverts back to human. I had a headache for a few days. This thing here? The same kind of stuff."

"Oh-kay, I see your point..." Akane agreed.

Several minutes later, Mousse led the group towards a little stream. After the rain stopped, Ranma and the girls managed to dry some wood and start a fire. Luckily, one of the items Mousse threw at them before turning into the duck was a metal pot. Ukyo took control of it from the start, which included deciding who gets reversed first. Ranma didn't even have to ask to be the first. However, he had to insist that Shampoo would go second.

"At last! Shampoo fur all wet and cold, very bad feeling."

"You can dressed now, you know," grumbled Akane.

"No, is okay when Airen look!"

"Please, get dressed? Now?" Ranma wasn't too excited about the offer.

"Well, if Airen ask..." the Amazon pouted.

Next was Mousse's turn. As soon as he was decent, Akane handed him his weapons.

"Oh, thank you."

"You're welcome. Did you see anything from above?"

The duck-boy used one of his knives to make a crude sketch on the ground.

"We're here. There are woods all around, but they end just behind that hill. This is a road, and it leads to a village - here. We might reach it within a day, if it doesn't rain. Strange, but I haven't seen a single car, not even railroads or electric lines."

"That's really strange. Are we even in Japan?" Ukyo wondered aloud.

"I'm surprised he could see anything at all, really," Ranma teased.

"For your knowledge," Mousse straightened out and turned to glare at Ukyo, adjusting his glasses. "I'm only very far-sighted, not blind."

P-chan's squeals interrupted the quarrel before it could properly start. The piglet nudged Ranma's leg and pointed at the pot with hot water. Ranma looked at Akane questioningly.

"I don't really care," she replied. "He's a pig either way."

Ryoga hung his head.

"Tough luck, eh?" Ranma asked him. "Do you have a tent in that backpack?"

Akane and Ranma watched the dying flames of the bonfire. Maybe it was this peaceful sight that turned the Tendo's anger into melancholy.

"I still don't understand," the girl said, "If you knew that Ryoga was P-chan, why didn't you just tell me? Why only hints and sneaking?"

"Because I promised."

"So, your friend is more important to you then your fiancee?"

"A promise is a promise," Ranma shrugged. "When I made it, I didn't know he's going to end up in your bed."

Akane sighed.

"So, all those times when you were mean to P-chan... And when you sneaked into my room..."

"Yeah, I wanted him to leave."

With nothing to say, they both watched the embers for a while. Finally, Akane stood up.

"I think I'll go to bed. This day went from bad to worse to horrible. I hope tomorrow would be better."

"Okay, good night. Hey, Akane, you know what's the best news for today?"

"Hm?"

"Kunos aren't here."

The girl blinked.

"You know, that did cheer me up. Thanks, Ranma."

The morning forest was cool and smelled of fresh leaves. However, Ryoga had no mind to enjoy it.

"Do you think Akane will hate me forever now?" he moped.

"Nah, I don't think she's the type to hate people," Ranma replied. The two of them went ahead to scout the road. It was a well-travelled dirt road, slightly muddy from yesterday's rain. Not the best thing to do in the morning, but it left them plenty of time to talk. "Well, besides Kuno, but everybody hates him."

"So, does that mean I still have a chance to be with her?"

"About half the chances you had before."

"That's... This means I'll have to work twice as hard to win her heart!" Ryoga pumped his fist in determination.

"I think you got something wrong, P-chan, because half of zero is still zero. She's still my fiancee!"

"What's wrong with you, Ranma? Why do you have to crush my hopes like this? You have two other fiancees!"

"A promise is a promise," Ranma shrugged, and abruptly changed the topic. "Hey, is that a guy running towards us?"

"And again, slo-ow, deep breath," Ukyo told the scared boy. "Now, have you calmed down?"

The boy nodded, slightly less panicked and much less winded.

"Tell us again, what got you so scared."

"Bandits are attacking our village! They're super-strong! They said they'll destroy our crops if we don't give them money! I ran away to find some help."

The martial artists of Nerima looked at each other. Their next course of action was decided unanimously.

The table had been pulled violently through the wall of a nearby building and placed in the middle of the main square. The village's Elder was seated behind it, surrounded by the four bandits.

"You see, it says here that 'Whoever brings his head, will receive a reward'." The leader, dressed in loose robes and shaved bald save for a waistlong thin braid at the top of his head, placed a 'Wanted' poster in front of the Elder. "The head in question is mine, and well, here I am. I hope you will be honorable people, and pay me this amout in full. Not one ryo less, not one more."

"Isn't your head supposed to stay here for this reward? Like, separately?" The second bandit was a tall, muscular man in crude clothes, with a bandana in his hair. His comment was ignored.

"Maybe you won't have enough cash to pay it all, but that's no problem," added the third bandit, a busty redhead with two swords at her side. "We will take your food and jewelry till we're even. If you still don't have enough, we can use a couple of your girls to settle the difference."

"Didn't you have enough of that last time?" asked the last of the band, a short-haired girl wearing overalls and fingerless gloves.

"N-nope," the redhead giggled.

Before the mortified elder could mumble any kind of response, a loud voice caught everyone's attention.

"So, these are the bandits, huh?" Ranma asked, and added in a normal voice: "You'd better hide now, kid."

The boy that led them here did as he was told. The bandits took alerted stances as the Nerima team walked up. Only the Saotome made a show of stretching, as if warming up to an excersize; and the monk-like bandit stood calmly, his hands hidden in sleeves.

"How unhospitable," he said, making sure his voice carries over to the martial artists. "Hiring mercenaries to get rid of your guests. I guess we'll have to hurt the village after all."

"Dibs on the big guy," Ranma announced, finishing his warm-ups.

"No way! I am fighting the big guy!" Akane objected.

"And why should it be you?" her fiance asked sceptically.

"Because I can, that's why! You're not the only martial artist here."

"That's enough banter." The bandit leader made weird gestures while talking. "Earth Release, Mountain God! Lesser Calamity: Three Horned Beasts! Ox! Ram! Bo..."

"Duck!"

Ranma was airborne in an instant, his flying kick disrupting whatever spell the robed bandit tried to use. The monk hopped to the side. Before Ranma landed and attacked him again, the bandit completed a quick chant, punctuating each word with a gesture.

"Mountain Shrine Stepping Stones!"

This time, when the monk dodged, the earth under his feet sprung up to launch him even further. The Saotome almost crashed into Ryoga, who tried to charge the bandit from behind. The two martial artists recovered momentarily, but this gave the monk enough time for a new trick.

"Mountain Festival, Clapping Hands!"

With a few handsigns and a clap, two stone slabs rose from the ground and rushed at each other, Ranma and Ryoga between them. The former, being faster, jumped up in time to avoid the trap. His friend was not fast enough, stumbling over the Stepping Stones, and the slabs slammed closed around him.

"Your friend found his grave, you are next." The monk entwined his hands in a new gesture.

"We'll see about that," replied Ranma, and jumped at the bandit.

"Shrine Offerings, Bamboo Shoots!"

Sharp stone needles popped from the ground to meet the attacking martial artist, longer than the monk was tall. Already mid-jump, Ranma had nowhere to dodge.

"My, aren't you a pretty one!" The redhead slowly drew her swords and walked towards Shampoo.

"Sword-woman fight, no look." The Chinese girl took a defensive stance, eyeing her opponent.