Chapter Text
Hurts...
I slowly gather my drifted consciousness and try to shift my body, and stopped because of terrible muscle pain.
Ouch...! Another day woke up with pain across my whole body~
It's familiar kind of pain though, when is the last time I feel like this?
Ah. It's when I collapsed from chakra exhaustion. God, my whole body feels like being crushed by a huge stone.
"Reita!! She's awake!"
"Reina!! Can you hear us??"
Mom... dad.. yes I can hear you, loud and clear...
My thoughts is still muddled and I try my best to let out my voice.
"Mo– cough cough!!!"
My voice came out croaked, strained, and I coughing because of the dryness that come from my throat.
"Shuna!! Water!"
Mom frantically grab a water pitcher and glass nearby, pour it and bringing the glass slowly to my mouth.
With dad craddling my neck, I managed to stop coughing and drank three sips of water without throwing it back.
I stare silently, or more like absent-mindedly that caused my parents to worry, and blurt out something I didn't mean to speak out loud.
"I messed up..."
"Rei-chan...? What do you mean?"
My unfocused gaze start to gain it's light and I groaned inside because my own's mouth unexpected moves.
So, I choose to let out my thoughts before mom dig it out of my mind.
"Itachi-kun will be afraid of me... he saw me act like... a crazy person."
I let my guard down completely, I slept with Itachi to calm him down, and then he woke up to what? To see someone who is akin to his sister screaming and having a hallucination?
I never thought sharingan will replay that scene, which is so identical to reality.
Okay, I don't recall all of the scene that well, only vaguely remember myself crying and screaming.
Is this because I killed a person? How can I know it can led to this!!
Okay, more like, how can a modern person that lived in 21st century, born and raised in a peaceful country, can predict what will happen to my own mental health after killing another person and saw my comrades almost died??
I know Naruto didn't portray the dark side of shinobi world that much, glossing over about Danzo's cruelty with ROOT, and the fact that he's literally using and raising innocent children from an orphanage as his pawn.
Yes, they did mention it but, like, in passing, so it didn't get that much attention, at least from me.
But really, I got this nightmare? Flashback? After I got back from my first kill. More experienced shinobi definitely saw more than me, the canon never show it but they must be doing many things in the name of mission, I can't imagine what is happening to their mental health.
For example, Kakashi or Itachi... they must get nightmares everyday as if it were a natural occurrence.
Itachi obviously got it from the guilt of killing his clan, and considering he lives as a missing-nin, he must be sleep deprived anytime.
Even I, who am only doing some C rank mission, become a light sleeper because of the sense of stranger chakra make me uneasy.
It always wakes me up in cold sweat complimented with hand searching for weapons. How is it like for Itachi, who is constantly on the run??
"Rei...? Rei-chan!! Come back to us!!"
"Ah! Mo– mom, cough!!"
"You're still sober right?? Not seeing anything else?"
"I'm okay, mom... just spaced out a little."
That's bad... I got lost in my thought.
"Itachi-kun is not afraid of you. He's coming and watching you worrily everyday."
"Is that so...? Wait, everyday?"
"You are passed out for three whole days, Rei."
Dad added, stroking my head slowly, setting aside some hairs that stuck to my face.
"Three!???"
I swear I almost got up from bed, if not for my aching muscles.
"And the doctor prescribe you a new medicine plus 5 days extended stay at the hospital. The total is 10 days at the hospital and 7 days home rest."
"Eh!??? My wound is fine already though??"
"Rei-chan... I know you're physically fine, but..."
Ah. The whole flashback thing that I done, huh?
"Right, I'm sorry mom, I totally forgot about my fit."
"It's not only that, Rei. Your chakra is totally drained, the doctor assumed it's because you unconsciously turned your sharingan on when sleeping. They need to monitor your condition fully before they decided you can be released."
Turned them on while I asleep??? That explain why my entire body feels sluggish.
Still, my condition is really bad. I guess I need to say goodbye to deep, peaceful sleep if it led to disaster like before.
"I need to be on guard then. I absolutely hate prolonged stay at the hospital."
"It's pointless if you do it like that, Rei. You need to sleep normally, it's meaningless if you only can keep the sharingan off when your guard is up."
"Dad is right, Rei-chan. I know you may become paranoid with your surroundings but at least in the village, I want you to sleep peacefully."
I let out a resigning sigh and force a tiny smile on my face, mom took my hands in her and said.
"It's okay, Rei. If you got another nightmare or flashback we will be here, don't be afraid of them. It's normal for you to got flashback, your body is not used yet to the sharingan ability."
"Is it... really normal?"
"Of course, and with your young age the flashback may affected you more. You will pass this zone no matter what. Slowly but surely, you will know what is the flashback and what is real."
Patting my hair slowly, dad stand up from my side and wear his flak jacket.
"Okay, I'll be off for now. Rei, don't try to leave the hospital okay? Shuna, I leave her to you."
"Of course I will not let her do anything. Itterashai."
Dad give me last pat on the head and walk straight to the door, waving at us and leave the room.
"Dad...?"
"Fufu, is your head still half in the clouds Rei? Your dad is off to work."
"Right... there's no way dad is not working."
Maybe he can took one or two days leave, but I already unconscious for three whole days and there is no guarantee when I will wake up.
He can't take an indefinite leave, right?
"He just come to see your face, and stay a little longer because you woke up."
"Is that so... right. Mom, you said Itachi-kun come and see me?"
"Oh yes, he visit everyday at 11. He'll come soon if there's no change in his schedule."
"Hmmm... and Rui? Is Rui alright?"
"He is, he also visit you yesterday."
"Eh? Rui is allowed to move around?"
"Technically no, he barge in after hear your condition."
"Wait, no doctor come and see him? Maybe to drag him back to his room?"
"Your sensei come, I don't know the source is but he drag Rui-kun back because he's glued to your side for hours. Rui-kun face is full of guilt and your sensei is giving off the same kind of expression."
"Why...?"
"He must hear your scream... Rui-kun is next door after all."
Argh, my memories is rather blur about it but if it's the flashback when I first awakened the sharingan, it means I scream Rui's name again and again.
"Now I just make it even worse..."
Rui and Itachi, great. What face should I make the next time I see them?
"You feel guilty about Rui-kun's wound, and Rui-kun feel guilty about your condition. This just show how deep you care for each other. You two need a time to talk, Rei."
"I don't know about it mom..."
"Rei-chan!!!"
Startled by the sudden appearance of someone's chakra inside my room, I jerk from my bed and form a guard stance in an instant. new habit formed, mom is not going to be happy about this
"Shisui-kun....?"
"Shisui-kun!! Please don't just barge in like that!"
"Sorry Shuna-san but!!! I hear Reina is hospitalized and I can't help but shunshin after hear which room she is..."
Shisui... he body flickered inside.
I relaxed my stance and plop back to bed, now feeling a headache and sore muscles from sudden bold movement after three whole days bedridden.
"I feel like it's been ages since I saw you, Shisui-kun... how's your team?"
"Reina... We're okay silly, we also just got back from C rank mission. Are your wounds okay?"
"Mostly, just some chakra exhaustion and blood loss. And well... you must hear about it already right? About my eyes."
"Just... from some rumors."
"Sorry, I awakened it more fast than you hehe. You always excel at everything so I guess I have one thing that I can brag in front of you!"
I try to lighten up the conversation, making it sound like I brag my faster awakening than our clan prodigy, Uchiha Shisui.
He gritted his teeth and march towards me, gripping my hands tightly with pained expression on his face.
"We're the same Uchiha, Rei-chan. Awakening your sharingan is a great feat of course but I know what is needed to awaken it. I can't imagine how you feel..."
"Shisui-kun... I'm okay. My enemy is strong but I came back alive."
I grip his hand back, intertwining our fingers together as he sat in the stool beside my bed.
"Still, you must really go through a really bad experience to awaken it. Are you okay... urgh, your feelings, mentally, did you got like, bad dreams? I don't know how to phrase it but..."
This seven years old is so, so perceptive. He saw right through me in one glance, really?
"Ugh... why you must know me this well Shisui-kun?"
I let out an exasperated sigh and turn to mom's way, begging for her help.
Mom!!! Help me!! What should I say in this kind of situation???
He'll got more worried if I say I got nightmare, or flashback while screaming, sleep walking, and crying.
Wait a minute, regarding that, did I ever cause another fit in this three whole days I unconscious...???
"She got some nightmares. And..."
Mom glances my way, not sure if it's okay to tell him about my condition.
I nodded slightly and turned to Shisui's way.
"Nightmares and a little, illusion? I can't tell the difference between the dream and reality. Topped up with some.... screaming, I guess?"
"Screaming...? Rei, Kami, just what happened???"
"Well~..."
Before I can explain anything, the door opened with a bang, revealing a panting Shu that must run here after Shisui leaves him all of a sudden.
"Shisui!!!!! Why you leave us like that!? I know you're worried but at the very least take me with you!!!"
"Shu-kun!!"
"Rei-chan!!! It's been so long!! How's your wound?? I hear you passed out for three days already!"
Done catching his breath, Shu run to my side and literally dived into my bed, hugging me, nuzzling to my face.
"Wait, wait, Shu-kun? It tickles..."
"Sorry!! But, mouu!! Why are you this wounded???"
"Fufu, I'll let you three catch up, and maybe with two more people."
Giggling all the way, mom walk to the door and caught Rui with Haruto who's hiding, standing outside my room and staring, not sure if it's okay to enter.
"Rei-chan, go and have a heart to heart talk with them. Mom need to go back home for a while, or else our house will full of dust by the time you got out of the hospital."
Walking away with a wave, mom close the door shut and leave us to talk it out.
"Haruto!! And Rui! You're also wounded badly, God!!! Just what kind of enemies did you fought???"
"A C rank mission... that involves Iwa-nin."
Rui scratches back of his neck and join us, sitting on the edge of my bed. Haruto join in the other side, bantering with Shu after not seeing him for who knows long.
"Iwa-nin???? Just what is the possibility of your first C rank to ended up like that! Isn't that more like, a B or A rank mission???"
"The content of the mission is C rank, dude. Escorting Daimyo's daughter back to Konoha, because there's a bandit spotted on the way home. But the problem is they are no bandit, we clash with Iwa-nin, killing some of them and taking alive ones back for questioning, the end."
Haruto try to phrases it off lightly, his own way to calm Shu down.
To be honest with the world not having a technology, there is no way for village knowing the validity of the request. if only there's a CCTV. No, maybe a drone for this situation... the closest thing we can get is Yamakana possesing a summoning bird, to look around and report the situation just like what Ino did at canon
There's no way the village will send a squad just to see if the enemy is really a bandit, and there will be no end of it if they call Yamanaka shinobi to dive into the head of every people that requested a mission. and hell, there's no way people will willingly let shinobi invaded their mind
And that's why Team seven also got C rank, which should have been an A rank in the canon. At that time their mission is also escort mission right?
"Still!!!! You three need to explain it in detail, for Shisui and me! There is no buts, we have all the time in the world. I and Shisui got one week off, and you three is in no condition to go anywhere!"
"Fufu– hehe..."
I giggled to myself, reminiscing of the past where we always together everyday.
Shu look at me with teary eyed and once again dived into me, the others turn to my way, displaying a really gloomy faces.
"Why all of you look that sad? I'm not dead, you know–"
My voice came out croaked, and I realize why they look at me like that.
Once again I unconsciously cried, tears uncontrollably come out from my eyes, streaming down to my cheeks and dripping into the sheets.
"Wait... why, am I crying? Haha, it's weird..."
"Rei-chan!!! It must be so scary right?? You're so brave, so strong..."
Still hugging me, Shu cried and praising me, encouraging me and my deed. that literally involving killing in them
Shisui silently circle his arms beneath my hip, bring my body to a sitting position as he settled himself behind me. He back hugged me and buried his face in my hair, not saying anything.
Haruto gritted his teeth, gripping his knuckles so hard till it turns white.
"We're so pathetic... Rei do most of the work. Killing the strongest enemy, healed Rui, she even kill another Iwa-nin that caused a man made earthquake at our way's back."
Rui silently nod beside him, looking down and gripping hard at the sheets.
"We can't do anything to protect her..."
"Rui, Haruto. I only do what I can, I want to protect you two, I don't want to become your burden. Rather, if not for you two, I can't awakened my sharingan. Please don't say your effort is useless, you two are not pathetic... Haruto, you defeat one of the Iwa-nin by yourself right? And Rui, I can only defeat the Iwa-nin because you hold out against his attack, I'm not doing it alone."
"Even though you're ended up this wounded...? You even got nightmares from that, Rei!!! I hear you... screaming, crying..."
Hearing Rui's statement, Shisui tighten his hug on me and Shu start to cry even more, Haruto took my other hand and bring it to his face, caressing it, his expression is as guilty as Rui's.
"I definitely can't say it's... pleasant. But the nightmares, or rather the flashback is my own faults."
"Why you still say it like that–"
"It's because of the sharingan."
"What...?"
"Honestly, I expect some nightmares from this mission. But, sharingan just go and made it so... real. Replaying all the scene where Rui almost died, perfectly. That is why I screaming Rui's name, crying, I also vaguely remember trying to use my healing."
"Sharingan...?"
At last Rui held his head up, now staring confusingly at me, begging for answer.
"Sharingan can record anything we see perfectly, even to the smallest detail, and we will remember it forever."
Shisui is the one who answer. Even though he had not yet awakened his eyes, as the same Uchiha, he must hear one or two things from his parents.
"Wait Rei, but it means you will suffer forever??"
"Of course not, Haruto. The memories replayed because my body still not used to the sharingan. I'll be okay, I only need time to control it."
Three of them let out sigh of relief, while Shisui just rest his head on my shoulder, kissing my cheek slightly.
"But, on the contrary, are you two okay with a teammate like me? A girl who will cry and scream in her sleep because of nightmares? Because of sharingan, it will become a common occurrence for me. I will sleep walking, screaming about things, there's even a chance I will try to attack you guys!!! Will you guys still care for me, still be my friends, despite all of the hassle will it bring to you all...?"
My vision is blurring again, I try to be as level headed as I can, discussing it normally, but I just blurt out my deepest fear.
I'm afraid to be thrown away again, that's why I will do anything, so I'll be appreciated, so I'm not going to be alone, so that my fragile heart didn't get crushed again because of the false hope.
Ah... I realize it now.
I'm just afraid I will be denied, will got hurt by their opinion on myself.
I try to avoid that question for so, so long, and I ended up blurting it out loud.
Haruto and Rui will have the hardest time. They're my teammate, they're stuck with me for their time as a genin.
Shu and Shisui, if they want they can just disappear from my life entirely, they have their own genin team and mission is the best excuse if they want to avoid me.
What will they do now... will they accept me as I am, even with my troublesome tendencies, or will they got afraid of me and putting a distance? at the very least I hope Shisui will stay, I will break into pieces if Shisui is also grossed out by my condition
Shisui yank my head to his side, his eyes burning with so much emotion I bet he will activated his sharingan if he have it.
"You moron... of course I will stay by your side!!"
"Rei-chan!!! What are you thinking???? There's no way, no f*cking way we will leave you!"
Shu in turns hug me again, burying his face in my stomach.
Rui got closer and kiss my forehead, cradling my face with both hands and said, "I'm really sorry, Rei. I don't think you will ended up think it that way. We're to lost in our own weakness we don't realize..."
Haruto scoot closer and ruffle my hair slowly, patting it.
"No way in hell we will think of you as a hassle. Once more, I want to apologize, I can't protect you from the darkness of Shinobi world. Next time, I promise you won't be doing the dirty work alone."
I start to sniffle, my tears won't stop falling, feeling my friends warm all over.
"Really...? You guys are not afraid of me?? There's no guarantee I'll do this only if I let my guard down...! What if I done it in the middle of the mission, waking up all of the sudden, screaming, possibly attacking all of you!! I'm broken beyond repair!!"
"Shuush, Rei, please don't push us away like this."
"Shisui is right, we'll be here no matter what. We'll be beside you as much as possible, through all of your nightmares."
"Shisui and I can't be beside you all the time but don't forget about us! You can always come to us when we're available you know???"
"Why...?"
I stare at them in pure confusion, losing my words.
Aren't they all... children???
Children is the most cruel thing in the universe.
They're innocent, they can't lie, they will question a things that different from them, and that is why most of them will not hesitate with their words.
I half expected for one of them to call me a monster, or questioning my weird condition. Normal children will find me weird right?? maybe, if we talk about children from the modern world
"It's cruel of you Rei, to think we'll hate or avoid you because of this... I thought our friendship run deeper than this, am I wrong..?"
Hearing Haruto's question, my tears stopped and I force myself to think for a second.
Haruto... he's right.
I will never leave them even if they lose their mind and attacked me. Why I expect them to do the opposite, when I trust them with all of my life?
It seems my judgement is clouded by fear of being thrown away...
"Haha... It seems I overthinking things again... Why did I thought you guys would leave me, I wonder?"
"Because you're a hopeless fool."
"Haruto!!! Language!"
"Pftt, ahahahaa!!"
"Ahahaha!!! Just what are we doing, really?"
We laughed and laughed, questioning why we discussing this topic in the first place, drowning in the rare peaceful time that we have.
